Not feeling so good

L is sick.  Not like flu sick, but definitely not happy.  I am just glad she hasn't been drinking any milk originating in china.  

The dog is sick too.  He looked like he had mange on the side of his face.  He kept scratching at it and making it worse.  Once we saw the spot, we put some Neosporin on it.  That seemed to at least stop the itching.  It looks like he is on the road to recovery now.

As for me- well I am sort of in a general malaise.  I am sure that part is due to my recent lack of exercise.  Another part is knowing that one of the few normal people I have met down is will be back soon only to leave again, perhaps for good.  Another reason may just be a general lack of people with common interests that I can talk to.  Sure I could post online, but it would be good to actually be able to hang out with someone.  I don't know if I could spot the person if I saw them either.

Two different worlds

"Hey, I gotta go because G is calling me," she tells me late at night.
"Ok." Who am I to argue about siblings talking into the night.
10 minutes pass before I get a call back.

"So, my mom fell down the stairs and can't remember anything." The tone is unsurprised, unworried, almost uninterested. With anyone else, I would think this was a joke and start to laugh, but I had already learned that lesson the hard way. Apparently laughing does not mix with relatives and injuries, no matter how ludicrous the situation or even the presentation of the situation. So instead I meet the comment with a mixture of concern and utter seriousness.

"Oh my god, L, is she alright?"
"I don't know." Once again, the lack of tone throws me off. Is this a regular occurence? Is L just in shock? Am I on candid cellular? Where is the camera?

"That sounds really serious. Did someone take her to the hospital?"
"Yeah, G and Dad are with her there now."
"Are you going to go?"
"I don't know." She answers in the same way as if I had asked, "Are you going to go to the beach with C?" At this point I want to scream, "GO SEE YOUR MOM IN THE HOSPITAL!!!" but I didn't. In fact I think I was just silent as the gears churned, trying to make sense of the disjointed inputs.

"G says he will call when he knows more," she says after a moment.
"Ok, well keep me posted. If you need to talk, just call. I don't care what time it is. I am here if you need me." And as I said that I realized part of the problem. I was here, and not there, where she really needed me. Hopefully things will be easier when we are with reach of one another.

She didn't call. Does this mean that everything is ok? Will I be in trouble next time we talk for not being there when she needed me? Are things so serious that she is shutting down and this is all she can manage to do/say? Is she still planning on coming down?

I feel like the butt of a cruel joke.

L

If the truth is really that simple, then the answer is just as simple. Do the little things. Look for the big things that happen while you do the little things. Be happy and the rest will happen. Come be with me... All you have to do is jump.

When you are happy, let me know. Yes you tell me how happy you are at times, but more often I only hear how wrong things are. I love you. I want to do what it takes to make you happy, but often I don't know how. If it is true that you want to be near me, the come down and be happy. It is that simple. If that is all it takes...

If it takes every small thing working in concert, well then we have something to work towards. I know you want stability. I like variety. You like a warm bed, I like the cold night sounds. You like to know that tomorrow will happen just as planned. I hope for a change of plans to spice things up. Where do our lives meet? How can I provide the stability you want while working the job I love? How can you live life on my edge, when you are much happier rooted at home. How do we make this work? I want to make it work. You want to make it work. We just are stumbling a bit on the how, where, and when. Talk to me.

The coldest I feel is not when there is a foot of snow and I am lost in the woods. It is when you shut me out because you want to protect me. You describe yourself as the ball of emotion bouncing against my wall of logic. I like that. I like it when you open up to me. Perhaps I like it because you are the emotions that I shut out of myself, or just don't have at all. But when you take those emotions and bottle them up, it makes you unhappy and it makes me unhappy.

Come live with me.

Storage

So, I have some storage needs. I enjoy travelling lightly, but with the current job, need to travel with clothes for a week at least. What would be nice would be a system where I could store a small to medium amount of stuff and have it where-ever I end up. Think about it as a bus-station locker that can be called up where ever you are.
Enter: Mini-Pods.
I am sure that you have all seen the storage container service ads for PODS.
...
...
I just called PODS to see if they already had this service. No they don't, but they are looking into it. They customer service rep, mentioned that they were trying to get a program called Baby PODS going. Everyone steals my ideas. Honestly. I am actually glad that they are doing this. They have the name recognition and the worldwide distribution to make this work. I think they would be really smart to pair up with a company like Fed-Ex so that the baby pods could be delivered anywhere in a day.

I also asked about their current service and I think that might be a good solution for L and I when we pack up the current place.

For L

There is green!